Seeking me...Really, what was I thinking!

So most of the "comments" I receive from this blog come through email. I am not sure what that is about-why people don't comment right where there is a comment button, but whatever.. perhaps it is more personal, more private, and I get that for sure. I have made some nice connections with people through this blog thing and I like that.

Anyway... in talking with one of those people, something that she said really grabbed me.. I mean, light bulb, ahh moment, divine revelation-you know those moments....

So, as a result I am changing this blog and the blog name and all of that.. and given that I am not that frequent of a blogger, perhaps I will lose some readers-the ones that don't comment, just view. Maybe they won't be able to find me, but I will try to figure out some sort of re-routing thing. Those regulars-well, we email each other for the most part, so they'll get it...

Desperately seeking suzin....a popular 80s movie, which of course is where I got the title, but it's message and the point of this blog was in some small way to journal my quest for self-discovery. I know, sounds sort of "New Agey" and that really wasn't my intention, it is just that for many years, I have felt like someone with multiple personality, with two sets of lives, two sets of desires, two sets of values, and all polar opposite... So, I was thinking that through journaling and basically processing my thoughts through the written form.. well, that would help me merge the two worlds.

What I realized... with the help, of course, of some pretty great friends, is that I am seeking ME, and quite frankly, I am not who I should be seeking. Of course, I am still struggling, of course I am still working through things, of course I feel no more settled and secure that I did before this whole blog thing... I am most definitely seeking the wrong person....I have the wrong Autopilot!!!

Almost every discussion with friends, almost every message preached on Sunday, every Bible Study time, every book, every song, every "inner nudge" has been pointing to the same thing... I need to really forget about me and focus on Him-a deeper relationship, a more intentional seeking of His will, His desires, His values....This blog title in light of this revelation (which I realize is common sense if you are a Christian, but I cannot begin to tell you how deep this truth is for me right now and how radically it is changing my life.. and in ways I am not that comfortable with let me tell you, but that is a post for a different day..) seems almost sacreligious.

So, off I got to find something different. A new name, a new focus, new themes, more pictures... Yes, Jenny I heard you!!! Of course, I have to figure out how to do all of that, but hey, the one great thing about Gary not working out of the house is that he is pretty handy with all of this.....

Seeking something that most certainly is not me......

Me